Fear setting: how to look at the fear that's been holding your decision hostage

Fear setting is an exercise for the decisions you've been putting off. You define exactly what you're afraid of, the worst outcome that could realistically happen, how you'd prevent it, how you'd put it right if it happened anyway, and what avoiding the decision is costing you over three months, a year and three years. Tim Ferriss popularised the exercise in a 2017 TED talk, and its roots go back to the Stoic practice of rehearsing misfortune in advance.

Why have you been circling the same decision for months?

It might be leaving a job, starting a business, ending a relationship, moving house, or simply having a conversation you know needs to happen. You've thought about it a great deal, talked it over with friends, perhaps even made a list or two.

And yet you still haven't decided. Every time you get close, a fear arrives and you find a reason to leave it for another week. The strange thing is that the fear itself often stays rather blurry, so you can't quite say what it is, only that it's big and that it's enough to make you put the whole thing off again.

If you're living with a decision like that, it can be exhausting, and it's worth knowing there's a gentle and practical way to look at it.

Where does fear setting come from?

In 2017 Tim Ferriss gave a TED talk about defining your fears, in which he described how he had used this exercise during a very difficult period in his own life. He has always been open about where the idea came from.

Its roots are Stoic. The Roman philosopher Seneca wrote in his letters about rehearsing possible misfortunes in advance, so that nothing would catch him unprepared. Later writers gave the practice a name, premeditatio malorum, the premeditation of evils.

That might sound a little gloomy, but the purpose is actually rather hopeful. By looking at a possible disaster closely enough, you stop it being vague, and once it's no longer vague you can usually see that it's something you could cope with.

How does the Fear Audit work in PiViva?

For each fear, the Fear Audit asks you to write down five things. First, exactly what you're afraid of. Second, the worst outcome that could realistically happen. Third, what you could do to prevent it. Fourth, how you'd repair things if it happened anyway. And finally, what avoiding this decision is costing you, and will cost you, in three months, a year and three years from now.

That last question is usually the one that moves people. We spend so much time thinking about what might go wrong if we act that we rarely stop to count what we're losing by standing still.

It helps to be as concrete as you can. "It'll all go wrong" is a fog, and it's impossible to plan around fog, whereas "I'll spend £6,000 and have nothing to show for it" is something you can look at, think about and plan for.

Fear does most of its damage while it's vague. Once it's written down as a specific event, with a plan for preventing it and a plan for putting it right beside it, it usually turns out to be survivable, often reversible, and smaller than the cost of another year of doing nothing. Most people find one sitting of about forty minutes is enough to see things far more clearly.

What if the fear still feels real after the audit?

Some fears are real, and the audit isn't there to talk you out of a sensible worry. It may tell you to wait a little, to prepare more thoroughly, or to take a smaller step first, and each of those is a perfectly good result.

If you decide to go ahead, you can turn the decision into a plan in Goal Setting and use WOOP to plan for the obstacle inside you. If you'd like to move towards it more gradually, Escaping Comfort Zone can help you map out the small steps along the way.

A big decision is often easier to make with someone alongside you. The PiViva Coach Directory lists verified coaches, and you can share your Fear Audit with one before you meet, so that your conversation starts with what's really on your mind. However you choose to go forward, you'll be doing it with your eyes open, and that alone can make a world of difference.