The GROW model: four questions to get a stuck goal moving again

The GROW model is a simple four-stage coaching conversation: Goal, Reality, Options and Will. You work through the stages in order, starting with what you want, then looking honestly at where you are, then listing everything you could do, and finally deciding what you will do and by when. It grew out of British coaching practice in the 1980s and was made famous by Sir John Whitmore, and it works so well because it gently stops you leaping from a problem to the first solution that pops into your head.

Why do some goals just stop moving?

There's a particular kind of stuck that most of us know far too well. You still want the thing, and you haven't given up on it, but nothing much has happened for weeks, and if a friend asked you over a coffee why it had stalled, you'd probably mumble something about being busy and change the subject.

What tends to happen next is that we grab a solution, almost any solution, just to feel as though we're doing something. It's usually the first idea that comes to mind, and more often than you'd think it's the very same thing we tried last time, which is a little like jiggling the key in a lock that's already told you it won't turn.

The trouble is that if you don't know why you're stuck, you can't really know which fix you need. You might be stuck because the goal itself is fuzzy, or because you haven't looked squarely at the facts, or because you can only see one way forward, or simply because part of you isn't sure you want it. Each of those calls for something different, and the good news is that there's a lovely, simple way to find out which one it is.

What is the GROW model, and where did it come from?

GROW is a conversation in four parts, and you take them in order:

• Goal. What do you actually want out of this?
• Reality. What's true right now, honestly, including what you've already tried?
• Options. Everything you could do, written down before you judge any of it.
• Will. What are you going to do, and by when?

It grew out of coaching work in Britain, usually dated to the 1980s. Sir John Whitmore is the name most often attached to it, and he developed it alongside Graham Alexander and Alan Fine. Whitmore wrote it up in his book Coaching for Performance in 1992, and that book still sits on the shelves of a great many coaches today.

There's also good evidence that structured coaching of this kind makes a real difference. In 2014 Tim Theeboom, Bianca Beersma and Annelies van Vianen brought together the results of many coaching studies, and found that coaching had positive effects on a range of outcomes, including performance, wellbeing, how well people cope, and how well they steer themselves towards their goals. GROW is one of the most common structures those coaches use, which is encouraging when you're about to try it on yourself.

How do you run GROW on yourself in PiViva?

The GROW Model tool in PiViva walks you through the four stages one at a time and keeps everything you write, so you can come back to it later and see how your thinking has moved on.

The order really is the clever part. Reality comes before Options, so you're asked to describe what's actually true before you're allowed to start brainstorming, and Options then asks you for several possibilities before you settle on one. It sounds like a small thing, yet that one gentle constraint tends to change the quality of the answer more than anything else.

It's worth giving Reality the most time of all. Write down what you've tried so far and what happened, and be kind but honest with yourself about what you've been avoiding. If you find yourself writing excuses, it's fine to write those down too, since they're simply more facts about your situation, and seeing them on the page often takes a little of the sting out of them.

When you reach Options, keep listing until you genuinely run out, and include the silly ideas along with the sensible ones. You'll often find that a silly idea points you towards a perfectly sensible one you hadn't spotted before. Then Will asks you to commit to one action with a date beside it, and if you can't quite bring yourself to commit to anything, that's useful to know as well. It may be worth going back to Goal and asking yourself whether this is something you really want.

What if you're still stuck after GROW?

Twenty minutes or so with GROW will usually show you which stage is jammed, and once you know that, you're already halfway to freeing it up.

If the goal itself is the problem, Goal Setting will help you reshape it into something clearer. If you're stuck on Reality because it's hard to see your own life clearly from the inside, the Wheel of Life or a Personal SWOT can give you a fresh view. And if you're stuck on Will, there's often a fear sitting underneath it somewhere, which is exactly what the Fear Audit was built for.

GROW is also the structure most coaches in the PiViva Coach Directory will know well. If you'd like some help, you can share your GROW entry with a coach before your first session, so you arrive with half the groundwork already done and can spend your time together on the part that matters. Either way, a goal that has stalled is rarely a goal that has gone for good, and one honest conversation with yourself is often all it takes to get it moving again.